I never thought I would be doing a post about spirituality. First, I'm not saying everyone should start converting to what I believe. This post is about my experience, what works for me, and what I believe. If you believe something else, that is perfectly fine with me because that is what works for you and what you believe in. I haven't liked "religion" since I was told at a very, very young age that I couldn't go to Heaven because I wouldn't eat my peas. If the only way into Heaven is through eating those nasty little green balls, then I don't want to go anyway! When I was in high school, a new friend asked what church I went to. I told her I didn't go to church and she said "It's ok, God still loves you." That's when I realized how negative most religions really are.
I wasn't comfortable with all of the rules that most religions have and the thought of God or the devil watching me all of the time waiting for me to do something bad so they can judge me one way or the other made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn't feel comfortable with some of the beliefs or having to memorize a book and prayers. I like the idea of rituals, but I don't like someone saying it has to be done a certain way, with specific movements and the "correct" words.
Last year, I got interested in crystals and the energies they give off. My research of crystals led to researching Paganism and I fell in love. The best part is, there are no "rules." I can believe what I want, practice how I want and I don't have to worry about some entity judging me all of the time. I love that there is so much positivity associated with Paganism instead of punishments for not doing something correctly or believing the right thing. I can focus on my crystals and candles, or I can research herbs, or some other part instead of someone telling me what I need to buy and focus on. I like that Paganism can be combined with Christianity if I choose to, which helps make family get-togethers less stressful for me.
Another thing I love about Paganism is, being outdoors enjoying nature is not only a good thing, but is encouraged. Instead of being required to go to a building full of other people and being told what to do and believe, I can go out on the lake and fish, or ride a trail on my ATV, or wake up in my camper out in the middle of nowhere. Being in nature is a way of showing respect to whoever you believe created everything.
Paganism is very adaptable and I am free to believe what I believe and feel what I feel. I am more comfortable in this positive belief system and I don't have to eat peas! I like that rituals are very adaptable to the resources I have and the beliefs I have. A ritual can be something as simple as my morning routine for getting ready for work. Taking a shower, picking out my clothes and jewelry, making my breakfast and morning cup of tea are all part of a daily ritual to help me get my work day started. Carrying a bag of crystals in my pocket, looking at the bowl of crystals on my desk gives me a quick mental break that helps me feel connected to my beliefs.
Since I started researching Paganism, I have felt more positive in my overall life. I handle stress better and I am happier. I didn't realize how depressed and negative I had become until I was focusing on the positive things around me. I don't feel judged all of the time anymore, I feel supported and comforted. I don't feel like I'm doing everything wrong anymore, I have the confidence and courage to make and reach my goals. I can fill by own book with beliefs, notes, prayers and rituals and I don't have to share it with anybody unless I want to.
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